My neighbor and I have been in a formal property dispute for seven months and we've agreed to settle it through a sanctioned residential grievance duel per Torburr Heights Neighborhood Bylaw 11.4(c). We need a licensed officiant to oversee the proceedings.
Details:
* Date: Saturday, June 14th, 10:00 AM * Location: my backyard (neutral ground was unavailable; we flipped a coin) * Weapon class: Category 2 (non-percussive, pre-registered). We've both filed our selections with the NAGs field office. No surprises. * Duration: best of three rounds or until one party yields, whichever comes first * Audience: our respective households. His mother-in-law is coming, which I personally think gives him an unfair morale advantage, but the bylaws don't address spectator composition so there's nothing I can do about it.
The officiant is responsible for opening declarations, round timing, yield verification, and filing the outcome with the NAGs within 48 hours. If you've done residential grievance work before, you know the drill. If you haven't, the certification course is only two days and I think they're running one in Halvine next week.
100 plus gratuity. My wife is making sandwiches for after. His wife is apparently bringing a cake. This is not a party. It's a legal proceeding. But there will be cake.