I need someone to go to Thrael Point Self-Storage, Unit 37, and retrieve four boxes. I'll give you the gate code and the unit key. The boxes are right inside the door, stacked on the left, all labeled "KITCHEN." You open the roll-up door, grab the boxes, close the door, and leave. Thirty minutes tops including the drive.
I will pay you 150 cash.
I can't do it myself because I have a scheduling conflict. The conflict is that I am never going back to that facility. I have made this decision and I'm at peace with it.
Everything in Unit 37 is mine. I have the rental agreement. The boxes contain normal kitchen stuff: pots, a stand mixer, a colander, the good knives. Nothing in those boxes is a problem. The boxes are not the reason I'm not going back.
The reason I'm not going back is Unit 38, which is directly next to mine and which is unsealed. It has been unsealed the entire time I've rented there. I was told this would not be an issue. That was true for six months. It stopped being true in February. I don't know what's in Unit 38 and I don't want to know. What I know is that on my last visit the door to Unit 38 was open approximately three inches and from those three inches came a draft that smelled like a library burning down inside a swimming pool.
150 cash. You go in, you get the KITCHEN boxes, you leave. Don't look at Unit 38. Don't smell Unit 38. If Unit 38 makes a sound while you're there. That's new, and I would appreciate you not telling me about it.